Crash Gordon

If I was a superhero, my name would be Crash Gordon.

I had two minor, bloodless crashes in the span of 1.17 hours today. If I would have crashed once more that would have been a hat trick...

Crash #1

During lunch break, Werner and I decided to bike to Helen's to sup and sip free coffee (if you know the person who invented Free Coffee Mondays, give him / her / it a hug for me). I, astride the glorious steel steed: the DeLorean, am pedaling fast yet wisely. I am turning left, a car perpendicular to me is turning right. He thought I was going to brake. I thought he was going to brake. He did brake, a little late, but better than nothing. I swerved so as not to harm the DeLorean (DeLorean first, shiny 2011 black Audi second). As I swerve to my right I find myself pedaling at an oncoming bus. To preserve the DeLorean’s 1947 glory, I swerve left again and save my life but in doing my right handle bar forcefully and screechily introduces herself to the bus door. I didn’t fall to the pavement, but caught my balance with something other than grace. The bus stopped and the bus striver seemed rather peeved, but I just rubbed off the scuff with my finger and smiled (40 percent of the time, the smile works all the time). He stared at me for a few seconds muttered something scathing under his breath (probably commenting on how my socks don’t match my face) and drives off. I boarded my faithful steed and discovered I lost 97.8 percent of my brake responsiveness, so I’m currently perfecting the “Flinstone Shuffle.”

Crash #2

Approximately 1.17 hours later that Monday afternoon, Werner and I were pedaling out of Helen’s, free coffee sloshing in our stomachs, we turn the corner and I gently slam into this biker who decided not to adjust his course upon seeing a large gringo donning aviators. Our front tires politely collided, we made eye contact, both sort of chuckled and pedaled off. Definitely the best crash I’ve ever had.

It’s only thanks to His protective hand that I am alive and perspiring now. It’s sort of surprising that there aren’t more collisions in this city – with the amount of humanity pedaling and honking on those streets, weaving amongst each other like ants in a hurry.

Thank you Father.

Well, the hat trick will have to wait for another day.