Mama Pajama

There are no coincidences with God. People invented the word "coincidence" because it sounds cute and nostalgic, but a coincidence is random. There is no random with God. Alpha and Omega doesn't do random.

I was reminded that there are no coincidences with God once again earlier this month when I met Kevin.

I was chatting with my friend Hau Jie in the alley. He makes fried bread for a living with his wife Gu Zi. They are incredibly nice to me. I wave and talk to them every time I pass by. I gave Hau Jie (He's a big fella with a mustache a contagious smile and a desperate need for some floss. Chinese folk don't floss. How can a culture survive and thrive for over 5,000 years without healthy gums?) an extra sweatshirt that we had in the Cloister. So now that its cold out he's been wearing a Titan's football sweatshirt. I smile every time I see it.

Anyway, I'm chatting with my man Hau Jie. I'm about to leave, I've used all 72 of the Chinese words I know and I'm out of ammo, so I put my foot on the pedal to scoot away when this young dude comes by and orders some fried bread with cabbage on the inside. He looks at me and says, "What's up dude?"

A friendship was born.

Kevin and I talked for about an hour and 46 minutes that night over beer and 串. He is a consultant at an English Language School, hence his awesome use of slang. Kev is one of those people you instantly like. Genuine, humble, witty, quick to laugh, and not interested in talking about himself. During our conversation I taught him, "Mama Pajama!" (What very few yet very classy Americans say when something is on the same level as "awesome.") Kev has been coming to B-ble studies twice a week. He's already a Chr-stian and has been a breath of fresh air in studies.

It was no coincidence that we met. Abba's been planning that since the dawn of time.
米佳

Too Pale

I guess sometimes in life, you can just be a bit too pale.

We discovered this earlier this month when we had one day of freedom and decided to go visit these ancient villages southwest of the city.

Well, after an hour of waiting for the 670 bus and playing the "I'm thinking of something game," A friendly hombre informed us that the our bus we wanted would never come because of a bike race in the city. Lance Armstrong ... you dog.

Adapt - We found two illegal taxi drivers and asked them to take us to our villages. They agreed and we hopped inside their cars and we rode for 4 minutes and 37 seconds before we came to the bike race barricade.

Adapt - The taxi drivers, not wanting to lose our business, must have been tourism majors in college because they offered to take us to these caves in the mountains to the west. We blindly agreed. All I knew is that there's no way I'm sleeping at home tonight, I thirsted for an adventure. So we hopped back in our taxis and drove west. The young October day couldn't have been more Autumn-y - crisp, blue air and chameleon trees. We wound our way out of the smog and subways and bustle of the city and found ourselves after two hours of driving in this quiet little village nestled in the mountains. We gave our drivers some cabbage and thanked them for their services and we looked for a hotel.

There was no one in this town other than the townies and four police men. We had dreams of hiking and watching the sunset coming back to a scrumptious farm dinner and a semi-soft bed at a cheap hostel. But those dreams were squashed by our white-ness.

When Jon asked the hotel how much for a night, the policemen informed us that we couldn't stay at the hotel because they did not have their "Foreigner Papers." Here in China in 2011 foreigners can't stay in any hotel or home that doesn't have the "Foreigner Papers." That means only 4-5 star hotels or hostels that pay for the "Foreigner Papers." Ridiculous.

Anyway, we thought we could just walk and find a friendly villager and stay in their home. But the boys in blue followed us and said we had to leave their village in an hour. They had called a van to pick us up which would drop us off at a bus stop and take us back the Beijing. I couldn't believe this was happening. So we had one hour to tour the caves.

The policemen were great guys. Extremely gentle and understanding. They were just the messengers of an arcane and backwards law. I told one of them in broken Chinese, "I like you, but I don't like your law." He replied, "I know. Me either."

So we hopped into that van onto a bus and onto the subway and back to the Jing. I slept over at Jon and Kim's where we played "The Michael Jackson Experience" (Dance Dance Revolution meets the King of Pop meets Red Bull) till the wee hours of the dawn.

I guess sometimes, you can be just a bit too pale.
米佳

Chinglish of the Week

We explored a cave a few weeks ago.

This sign may or may not have been more entertaining than the cave itself.

Dirty Dog's Delicacy

I have a friend named Dirty Dog.

His real name is Peng (the monkey-man on the left), but last year he and I studied the B together and we would teach each other slang. Peng gave me the essentials in local and hip Chinese vocab...

"Ni chi le ma?" (Have you eaten? - Howdy!)

"Ni hen la feng." (You very pull the wind - You are so attractive / fresh / fly that you can pull the wind with your awesomeness...)

"Jia you!" (Add oil! - What you say at a sporting event instead of "Let's go!" you say, "Add oil to the fire of competition!")

"Wo yun le!" (I faint! - Holy Cow!'s dramatic cousin)


In return, I taught Dirty Dog the American slang all-stars (and a few Kramer-isms):

What's cookin' good lookin'?
Giddiup!
Hey dreamboat! Not you shipwreck...
Diggity!
You dirty dog.
Holla holla!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.


Anyway, Dirty Dog and I are pretty tight. He invited me and our friends Paul and Alison to go try this little restaurant on the west side of the city. He wanted to take us there for two reasons: 1) The place is owned by a sister in DD's ch-rch. In China (like in Acts) Chr-stians refer to each other as brother and sister. I love that. 2) Their specialty is a pig intestine soup.

So the four of us meandered our way to this little hole-in-the-wall restaurant the size of Shaq's shoebox. The sister (she's not black by the way...) served up some delicious pig intestine soup. I'm not a fan of fat (as my Mom will testify), the texture makes me hurl. But I really have a crush on pig intestines.

Although, the pig's feet weren't as attractive...

米佳

Breather

Brock + Heather = BREATHER

My two amazing friends (Brock and Heather) wanted to have a magical wedding ... and they got one! Two weeks ago they were married at Yuanmingyuan Park (The Old Summer Palace) during October holiday. If you've never been to the Middle Kingdom (China) before you should know that holidays in a civilization of 1.3 billions black-haired humans are mayhem. Now toss in a famous Beijing landmark - the Old Summer Palace, we were all a bit nervous that this day.

But as usual, God is an amazing God and the day was an amazing day - flawless. Breather was a joy to be around, so incredibly relaxed and going-with-the-flow-y. The Chinese masses stare at you if you are white, but when your white, wearing a white dress, and surrounded by other smiling white people - well that's a stop and stare, whip out my cell phone and snap a photo moment. It was an amazing thing to witness. Breather were celebrities for those few hours in that park, and now they're lives are forged as one.

It was an honor to try to capture this unforgettable day...
米佳

P.S. - There are a few more pics on the link to the right - Micah's Online Albums.

The Puberty Chronicles

This year Becca and I are molding the minds of 880 Chinese teenagers. The puberty is palpable, the frustration does not rival the humor and joy of this job. Here are a few fall highlights.


SEPTEMBER

Mr. Micah….goes to……..a……woman hospital” –Betty, when asked to do share a “holy cow” situation (ala Alice Gynecology Hospital).

Mr. Micah makes Dirty Frank cry and tremble after falsely accused him of using his cell phone.

The kids clapping with joy over Mr. Matt being “in love.”

David (pictured)changes his name to “June.”

Teddy shares his French nude beach experience with the class.

Two boys display EXCELLENT teamwork (meaning they are cuddling and sharing 1 piece of paper).Miss Balge asks Mr. Micah to draw “weeds” on the board. He unintentionally draws “weed” and Huang calls him out on it.

· William has “backside surprise” with an arrow on his nametag. Miss Balge looks and sees nothing on the back and asks about the surprise. William replies, "Today...no surprise."

· Miss Balge almost biffs it up the platform while teaching. She recovers, but breaks her shoe in the process.

Holy Herry (pictured mid-drool) singing “maiawho, maiaah, miahahaaha” before class.

OCTOBER

Kevin draws a certain male appendage on the board during HOLES character drawing time.

Crystal gives Mr. Micah her phone number and asks him to call her after 5.

Holy Herry's nametag reads: Holy Herry Hole

Miss Balge asks a kid “how are you doing today?” before class and he starts reciting the Oral English mantra of “Today we are going to try hard, talk often, and trust our English."

·
I love these kids.

米佳

Our Friendly Neighborhood Turret

Last week we didn't have school, so we thought a manly adventure of epic proportions was in order - camping on the Great Wall.

So Tim, Joseph, and George (our awesome Chinese brother) hopped in George's little car and scooted to a little village in the mountains and started hiking up this insanely steep mountain. We started at 3:30 and didn't reach the Wall till 7:30. We had way too much stuff - a dozen fresh eggs, an airmattress, a charcoal grill, charcoal, onions, potatoes, garlic, a yellow pepper, a hunk of marinating beef, and an espresso maker (ok, maybe not the last one, but the point is we were overloaded with crap). Hiking on this viciously steep trail with all our junk would be like swimming 400 meters in a three piece suit with a briefcase in your left hand and a caramel macchiato in your right.

When we finally reached that ancient stone snake we found a vacant turret and set up camp and slept there for two nights. The sunrise in the morning was breathtaking.

We were awoken each morning to the cackle of Chinese hikers waiting for the sunrise from the turret next door.

Joe and I slept under the stars. I invested in a really nice goose down sleeping bag before we left, but poor Joe just had a blanket. He may or may not have chipped a tooth due to shivering. I offered sharing my bag, but he hesitated, then politely declined.

The following day we were out of water and brew so we hiked down the other side of the mountain and made it to a quaint village in less than an hour. Now we know where to park next time...

When we packed up camp and hiked to the touristy part of the Wall we got some stares with all our stuff (I was holding our grill like Captain America's shield) and our stank. We took the ski lift down the mountain.

If you would like to see a few more pictures from our trip click on the orange link to the right that reads: Micah's Online Albums.

Diggity.
米佳

"No Peaking!"

Last week was "China's Fourth of July" so we were didn't have school (although, any vacation time in China is made up on the weekend - which is not really vacation at all), so we went on a few adventures.

Adventure #1 was rafting down the Snail River.

Amber and Ming did all the research and planning and I just followed blindly and blissfully. We hopped off the subway onto a bus into a van that wound through the mountains north of the city and dropped us off at this hostel-ish farm. We ate a scrumptious meal of fresh veggies and a chicken that was strutting around hours ago. We didn't floss and then played cards. Ming and Jacob, our two Chinese friends with us couldn't play B.S. They were horrible liars, which is probably a good thing.

I woke up early, went for a mountain morning run. Saw my breath. Came back and we were getting packed up and headed down to the Snail River. I don't know its real name, but it was no Snake River. It was kind of like the lazy river at those big water parks in the Wisconsin Dells. But the scenery was phenomenal, the blue sky was a rare present, and the water was pretty chilly.

Jacob and I stripped down to our boxers and jumped in. When we were in our skivvies, Jacob shouts, "No peaking!!!" The water wasn't warm.

All in all, an amazing day with some amazing people.
米佳

Chinglish of the Week

Friends,

I apologize for being a lame poster. The past week was "China's Fourth of July" and I decided to go Amish for the week.

I've decided to try something new - Chinglish of the Week. It seems like ever day there's a horribly worded sign or some tragic translation and I would like to share these laughs with you.

Here are a few I found in my travels last week...