Puberty Chronicles, Part II

 OCTOBER 2011

Adolf has an arsenal of weapons in his desk. He surrendered the knife before class, and had a gun taken by Mr. Micah during class. He may or may not be a 13-year-old Dwight K. Schrute. 

When we teach "Chill out" for Sounds of the USA. We teach the kids a soothing motion with your hands, like gently rolling wave. Well, Sheldon stands up and looks like a piano player that's been hit by lightning and screams, "Chill out!" It was a life-altering moment.

Sheldon acts out throwing-up, ends up looking like “Thriller” which Mr. Micah and Miss Balge act out in unison.

We finally get the HOLES copies, and then Mr. Micah staples his fingers together and bleeds on our copies.

Dick changes his name to “Dixon”. It is revealed that he did indeed know what his name meant all along.

John continues his “game” of “how many mini paper boats can I stick in Mr. Micah’s and Miss Balge’s pants' pockets during the course of 1 class period?”

June (the student formally known as David) strokes Mr. Micah’s adam’s apple with his lanky fingers/fingernails to see if he is sick.

NOVEMBER 2011

Kevin and his nasty cheek hair that he that he refuses to part with. It must be a Chinese symbol of manhood.

Miss Balge gives a speech about telling your parents everything is fine when it isn’t, and the class hears

her say something to the effect of “I HATE CHINA. CHINA IS BAD. CHINA IS NOT GOOD.”

Mr. Micah tries to talk to Linda, who gets scared and starts tip-toeing away as if he can’t see her.

Henry gives the “I’m a champion” face when asked to eat 800 chuan in 5 minutes.

Will confirms his sexuality by bringing the pastel ceramic mug to class.

Sherry almost breaks the “noise machine” all on her own during our “We got spirit yes we do! We got spirit how bout you!” cheer.

Jr 2s consistently pronouncing “Dantes” as “Dentist”

Some Jr 2 boys bond before class in ways where they should have washed their hands afterwards.

Bubba tells me he is only “so-so” today. Turns out this is because a boy in front of him keeps showing him a half-naked picture of a soccer player. And Bubba is bothered by this because he is apparently a prude.

At some point before class begins, a boy in Class 5 throws up. I am kept from walking in it when Henry starts screaming, “Miss Balge!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!” The perp walks out of the room in shame and the class takes 10 minutes to fully “chill out” after these disgusting/upsetting/hilarious events.

Bob “crowd surfs” past Miss Balge and Mr. Micah with his arms raised. But not before bumping and grinding on them. He could have gone around the podium and avoided this “traffic jam”, but this is clearly the way Bob wanted it.

Mr. Keith proudly displays a monster name tag – newspaper pyramid that is dripping with testosterone.

Before class Sheldon asks Miss Balge “what does your headband mean? Is it for a ninja? Does it symbolize power?” “No Sheldon. It means I woke up 4 minutes before I needed to leave my apartment.”

Michael Michael Michael from Jr. 3 Class 1. (He has 3 nametags loud and proud on his desk.)

The Thanksgiving “follow the leader” game in memory of Mr. Matt. “Heeeey boys”

The Bubba, The Bubba, please pass the Bubba.

Miss Balge locks the children out of the auditorium, and can’t open the door herself.

DECEMBER 2011

Frank “milks” Mr. Micah’s fingers while he is chatting with students before class.

 

Mr. Micah and Miss Balge are asked to be in a play called “Baibie as the Island Princess” 10 minutes before the group is going to try out. It didn’t not go well…..

At the talent show, two Junior 3s, Angelo and Nash, rap in Chinese. In the last verse comes a little English that makes us beam with pride, “We got spirit yes we do! We got spirit yes we do!” “See you later Alligator. After while Crocodile. Can’t forget Mr. Micah’s smile.” Those five words made this job so worth it.

Mr. Michael from class #1 sensed that his popularity increases with every name tag he has on his desk. Last class of the semester he proudly displayed nine name tags! What a man! There was no room to write anything, but he didn’t care.

Saking delves into the dark side with his comic strip project entitled, “Not For Children”. The story began with Danglars getting a sex change in Thailand and ended with him falling in love with Judge Villefort and sleeping with him in a VIP room at a KTV.

Miss Helen reveals the sense of hopelessness and insane pressure that suffocates so many Chinese students by having Edmond Dantes get his revenge against Judge Villefort and Danglars by turning them into Chinese eigth graders. This talented student pulls back the veil offers us a brief glimpse at her life:

Next day, Danglars and Judge Villefort became two students of the Beida Middle School. They had to do lots of things, such as:  did homework, had class all day, and a test everyday…

They couldn’t have time to have a rest, they were tired and unhappy. Everynight, they had to do homework until midnight. In the morning, they must get up at 5:00. But the worst thing:  has they must do this things day by day, month by month, and year by year  until they passed away.  

These kids are a joy to teach.I'm glad Beccs and I can share these memories together.

米佳