Little Richard's Mom is named Miss Gao. She was my boss at my school. So when she asked if I could 玩儿 wan 'er (play) with her son for one hour a week. She said, "He needs a man in his life." I said, "Yes" with a sigh. Seeing it more as another job rather than a joy.
But then I learned Little Richard's story. This seven-year-old boy is fatherless. Well, I should rephrase that. He has a father, but he lives in Pakistan and comes back to China once a year during Chinese New Year.
Miss Gao is not divorced. She and her husband are still married. But like so many marriages in the Middle Kingdom, providing for the family is more important than spending time with the family.This is not an anomaly. This is freakishly normal. Husbands and wives living in different cities or different countries, still married, probably cheating, but together for financial purposes and "face" purposes. Being an unhappily married woman with a cheating husband is more honorable than a single mother.
I never asked him, but I know Little Richard's answer to this question, "Would you rather have more money from Dad or more time with Dad?" I think every kid on planet earth would answer the same way.
So Thursday afternoons in the park behind school there was a big white dude with three Chinese seven-year-olds (Little Richard's buddies) waging war against each other with stick guns and imaginary grenades. That's what boys are meant to do. Just play. Blow stuff up with your mind. Turn a stick into a flame thrower. Run around. Laugh. Get your new shirt so dirty that Mom shrieks in horror when she sees you return as a muddied warrior.
I had those experiences with my Dad, brothers and cousins. But Little Richard just had me.
For one hour on Thursdays.
米佳
mijia
A lot of it is social norms, and I know there was a great deal of disbelief--even criticism--when people in the States realized that my dad was working toward his PhD in Minnesota while my mom worked full-time in Beijing and raising me practically as a single parent. And yes, I would choose having my dad as I was growing up, rather than the opposite. But then I would have never came to the States, and a great deal many things wouldn't have happened. So, in retrospect, there is the ought-to-be way for any child to grow up: in a non-fragmented family, having good role models in his/her parents, but often things don't happen as they ought to. And I am thankful you can help make Little Richard's childhood a bit more defragmented. It's true, we never know what happens until it does, and somehow, it is always for our good.
ReplyDeleteThat last large paragraph sounds an awful lot like Wild at Heart ;) It's good to receive another anecdote flowing from your proverbial pen, Micah. They are always pick-me-uppers in some way. Muchas Gracias (no idea if that is proper Espanol)! Blessings to you, and blessings on your quadrilateral year!
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Nathan