The Voice

Everyone knows the Great Wall.

It's pretty great.

Everyone who comes to Beijing wants to see just how great it is.

In October my buddy Dan Schwartz and his brother Luke came to the Big B. Schwartz and I aren't not good friends. He texted me and asked if it was possible if we could go camping on the Great Wall on Monday night.

I initially thought, "Not possible. It's a Monday night. I teach Monday afternoon, have Mandarin class Tuesday morning and teach in the afternoon." But the thought kept nipping at my cerebellum. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was possible. Just head out to the Wall on Monday night, skip Chinese class then get back in time for class on Tuesday.

"Giddiup!" Read my text to Schwartz.

So Schwartz, Luke, Mike Luetke and I set out on Monday night to camp on the Wall.

Subway to bus. Bus to black taxi. Black taxi to Wall.

We reached Mutianyu (one of the most famous sections of the Wall) around 8pm. We quietly exited our taxi, strapped on our packs and started hiking up the paved road to the Wall. When the sun is up there are vendors shouting choppy English to you trying to persuade you to buy a cheap momento.

"Hellooooooooooo!" 

"Very good price." 

"You buy from me? We make deal!" 

No articles. No problem.

But when the sun goes down the avenue of trinkets goes silent. But then a flashlight cut the night. We heard a security guard walking down the path. He saw us before we saw him and yelled at us, telling us that the gate is closed. The privilege to hike the Wall is about a 50 kuai ($7) investment.

So we turned around until we were out of sight then jumped into the woods and started hacking our way up the hill. We turned our headlamps off so as not to get caught.

We were clawing our way upward. Branches slapping us in the face like a spurned woman.

Then, we saw the slide.

Mutianyu is famous for its silver toboggan slide that snakes down the mountain. And we had stumbled upon it in the dark. That's like getting into a car accident with a stranger who later becomes your spouse. Well, not that dramatic, but still a huge find.

So we start climbing up the slide. Just like we did on the elementary school playground.

After about two minutes of moonlit slide climbing a robotic voice blared,

"SLOW DOWN! YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST. SLOW DOWN! YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST. SLOW DOWN..." 

I'm glad I brought an extra pair of underpants because that voice in my ear in the dark while doing something illegal prompted something that is a natural consequence of shock.

We had crossed the laser speed sensors on the slide.

We jumped off the track and sprinted into the cover of the forest faster than you can say, "Mogadishu."

We made it to the Wall after about another half an hour of hiking. It started to drizzle. So we found refuge in a friendly 烽火台 fenghuotai - turret. I started boiling water with my camp stove, made some manly spaghetti while the fellas set up the tent.

We ate in joy.

Noodles in an ancient welcoming turret on a Monday night.

The next morning we woke up early, made some instant coffee and started our descent. It was still drizzling and clouds were covering the Wall with misty mystery. I snapped these shots before the sun melted it away.




The Wall was ours that night.

We didn't have to share the Wall with any noisy tourists. Just four dudes, a slide, The Voice, a drizzle, a turret and some noodles on a Monday night.



米佳
mijia