The Bridge

Election fever has spread to Beijing.

Not for the Chinese government, but for our American one.

Last Wednesday morning I went to The Bridge, maybe one of the most famous coffee shops in the city. Its the one place I can go when I'm sick of being a minority. Anyway, they had special election coverage on Wednesday morning for the Tuesday night elections. Some of the people were there because they cared about the election, but I'm guessing most were there because The Bridge promised free beer if Obama won.

The place was packed. The last time I saw this many white people in one place was at a Dunkin' Doughnuts. Cheers would go up anytime a Democrat won a Senate or House seat. Cheers would erupt when a state turned blue. I just sat back and tried to soak in these weird scene - 200ish foreigners screaming at a projector screen on a Wednesday morning, celebrating democracy in the heart of China's capitol.

Almost as odd as an Amish dude driving a Hummer.
 mijia 米佳


P.S. - I did vote via absentee. The lovely town of Summit sent me my ballot by email, I printed it off and my Chinese friend Hillary saw what it was and asked, "Can I hold it?" With delicate fingers and hungry eyes she looked at this paper - more than just ink on a page. Voting was an intriguing mystery to her. I'll never take it for granted again. 

Chinglish of the Week

Stone Man

It's 12:25 am.

I'm correcting 脑子的饭 - naozi de fan - brain food. It's a journal assignment I have my Social Studies class do for the first five minutes of every class. I just read little Jason's entry on the question, "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?" I need to share this 8th graders entry with you...


I think God want to trine us, even the very good person will have his work from God too. God want us to be a stone man in his love, I then we can fit with evil. We will know what is true from what is false. And what is the thing from God, or from the evil. To de a clever man, God will use some bad thing happened to you life, and tell you some important thing, some thing you didn't know, let you know when the earth was gone, God will stand with, forever. When you have some hard thing, pray, you just need say, God will give you if you really need. Believe in God trus him in everwhere, evertime, when you do anything. When the bad thing is come, you can be very happy, because God is stand with us, remember? We don't need fear anything, because God's love. 

Pray, he will help you, he will stand with you, when the earth is gone. 


Wow! If that's not an amazing confession of faith, I don't know what is.

Thanks Jason.

Severe Yuan

The other day I was standing on the street, contently drinking my milk tea when a short Chinese woman who looked like her name was Glenda handed me her phone. I took it without hesitation and read the text message that read,

"Do you want to be in a film? You make some severe yuan!"

I giggled.

Being a foreigner in China makes you a minority and a celebrity rolled into one. Kind of a freak show slash rock show. I've heard about foreigners getting "severe yuan" from acting in commercials, photo shoots and movies. But this was the first time I've ever been approached.

I handed the phone back to Glenda and said, "Bu xie xie." "No thanks."

I continued sipping my milk tea.

Chinglish of the Week

Bolivia and Beyond

From 10:40 to 12:10, Monday to Thursday I study Chinese in the United Nations.

Our little classroom has nine students:


WILL
alias:  Conan O'Brien
Nationality:  English
A witty Brit with style and interesting hair. 


LAO BAN
alias:  Lao Ban
Nationality:  South Korean
No one knows Lao Ban's real name. Lao Ban is the Chinese word for "boss." All we know is that Lao Ban is Korean, must be rich, and doesn't not smell good. 


THE FRENCH DUDE
alias:  The French Dude
Nationality:  French
I don't know the French Dude's name, but I know he's French. 


JIMENA
alias:  My Future Wife
Nationality:  Argentina
It was love at first site. She has a boyfriend. He is Polish. Some see obstacles; but I choose to see hurdles that begged to be jumped. 


XIAO SHUAI
alias:  The Bolivian Identity
nationality:  Bolivia
Xiao Shuai is his Chinese name which means, "Little Handsome." He's a hilarious man who is always tucked in and his comb over either means that his Dad is in the military or Lutheran pastor. 


HAROL
alias:  The Bolivian Ultimatum
nationality:  Bolivia
Harol is the comic relief in the class. Always playing games on his cell phone, whispering dirty phrases in Spanish to his Bolivian compadres. He's fifteen. 


PABLO
alias:  The Bolivian Supremacy
nationality:  Bolivia
I actually knew Pablo last year. He was a friend of a friend. I introduced him to this language school in March. When I came back to the Big B and came for class, there was Pablo! He now can speak, write and read Chinese. He also has brought his Bolivian amigos to our class, which now has the highest concentration of Bolivians in the Eastern Hemisphere. 


LI LAOSHI 
alias:  The Forty-Year-Old Who Looks Like She's Twenty-Three
nationality:  China
Li Laoshi ("teacher") is amazing. She gets so off topic that we end up spending four days on one chapter. But she teaches with an intoxicating level of enthusiasm. I love learning from her. 


This is my class. 

Receeding Hairline

I went to visit my old students on Friday. After chatting and playing basketball with the kids I had taught for two years, I realized a few things...

• My students love to play basketball. 
• My students are atrocious at playing basketball. 
• My student Dirka (pictured right) rocks. On the first day of class I named her Dirk because I thought she was a boy due to her boyish features and Clint Eastword ala Gran Torino voice, but when I realized my error I added an "a" for the sake of femininity.  
• My students proudly display my autograph on their uniforms. On the last day of class I signed a lot of uniforms. I think it was their way to show there appreciation, even though they would later get reprimanded by the Vice Principal.
• I really miss my students. Right now I'm teaching Social Studies and reading at a home school, so I had to say goodbye to the 430 kids I taught for two years. 

Later that night I was reading my emails and came across this gem from my incredibly polite and angelic student named Lisa. 

 Micah,

Your hair is now become less and less, isn't it? What's going on? When did it start? Will you be bald? Are you ill? I am really worried about you, and so are your students.

Good luck!!

Lisa...

Thank you Lisa. I'll see what I can do. 

Mandarin in 'Merica

Over 1.4 billion people speak it.

English is still the glue that holds the world together, but Mandarin is the teenage phenom on the rise.  

http://www.npr.org/2012/09/08/160028396/looking-to-future-ga-schools-require-mandarin?ft=1&f=1001

Might this be part of my stateside mission someday?

Chinglish of the Week

This was the advertisement for an apartment I saw in the subway...

How could you say no to an "omnipotent space?"

Gandolf the Blonde

Welcome to The Boar's Nest - my new abode.

The Boar's Nest isn't manly ... yet. As you can see, there is a purple orchid painted in the crotch of the ceiling with cascading vines and heart-shaped petals. But no matter, once I get my John Wayne poster up, the manliness of The Boar's Nest will increase muchly.

The Boar's Nest isn't big. It has the floor space of about twelve Honda Odysseys. There's a one-person kitchen two small bedrooms and a bathroom / shower combo. I feel like Gandolf in Bilbo's house every time I enter or exit. It's a Chinese apartment and I'm going to try to be as minimalist as possible. Oh yeah, there will be four dudes living in The Boar's Nest.

The Boar's Nest isn't not home.