Midwest & Middle Kingdom

I was born in the Midwest. 

But have been replanted in the Middle Kingdom. 

Here are some differences I've noticed during my three and a half years here... 

A family's toilet in rural China. 

China does eggplant well. 

China is lagging in the breakfast and dessert category, but man alive, they do eggplant really really well. 

B.Y.O.T.P. 
Toilets in China are different than America (understatement of the month). First, most toilets are squatty potties; which are really good for your hips, hamstrings and colon it turns out. Secondly, toilet paper is not provided. 

Dark alleys have food not thugs. 
Not once in China have I been concerned about my safety. Chinese gun control is pretty straightforward - no. Not even policemen have guns. I'm not a political man, but I like feeling safe. 

Security guards are fun not fearsome.   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD35pvP_ZsQ

China doesn't do diapers. 

This one takes some getting used to. For some reason Chinese babies wear split pants, which means there is some ventilation down south. Excreting in China is less private than in America. If I don't see a kid going boom booms on a sidewalk in a day; it's a weird day. 

Chinese always drink hot water. 
Even in summer time, people drink hot water. I think it has something to do with Chinese medicine which is all about heat and cold. I'm at Starbucks right now and tried to order an iced coffee, but because sales are so low in winter, they've taken it off the menu. Sorry ice. 

Funky chip flavors. 
Finger-licking braised pork. 
Green cucumber. 
Numb and spicy hot pot. 
Spicy seafood. 
Spicy pepsi chicken wings. 

There are no tanning salons. 

Chinese girls want white skin. American girls want tan skin. American girls go to the beach wearing gum wrapper-sized swim suits. Chinese girls go to the beach with gloves and an umbrella.

Four no more. 

The word for "death" is 死 (si - 3rd tone). The word for "four" is 四 (si - 4th tone). Since it sounds the same, a lot of buildings will call the 4th floor the 5th floor. And phone numbers with multiple fours are cheaper!

The same man on every bill. 

American money immortalizes Lincoln, Washington, Jackson and Jefferson. But in China, there's only one man on the money - Mao. 

McDonald's delivers. 
Yes, it's true. 

No need to shave on a smoggy day. 

Pizza Hut is a 5-star date. 
Pizza Hut has been reborn in China. I feel that in America it's just a greasy place you go when you're too lazy to cook, but here in the Middle Kingdom it's a 5-star date. 

Smog makes lipstick, shaving and dental hygiene obsolete. 
When you're wearing a smog mask, getting ready in the morning doesn't take quite as long. 

Honking is precautionary, not incendiary.
In America when you honk, you're asking for a fist to the tooth. In China, it's someone letting you know they're behind you ... in a really loud and obnoxious way. 

Don't drink water from the tap. 
No comment here. 

I asked my students to draw a picture of their city and this is
what Mary drew. 

Anyone with white skin can be a model. 
I've been approached many times for being a model. If you're only a 3.7 in America, come to China where you're a 9.7! It's simple supply and demand. 

It's manly to cross your legs. 

This has definitely rubbed off on me. 

China loves eating feet. 
Pigs' hooves. Chicken feet. It's all good. 

Personal space is extinct. 
When you live in a city of 24 million, you get used to smelling someone else's breath on the subway. 

China has playgrounds for the elderly, not the young. 

Elderly Chinese are extremely active - up at 5am doing tai chi and playing on their playgrounds. 


The government turns on the heat for you.

Usually toward the end of November the government turns on the heat for half the country. If you live south of the Yangtze River, sorry. No heat for you. 


Gray skies are normal. 
When I'm in America I savor the blue skies! You really don't know what you got till it's gone. 

All of these differences are a mere raindrop compared to the ocean-like similarity we share - our need for a Savior!