Donkey Meat

This arrogant donkey boasts, "Wo zui bang!!!" "I'm the greatest!!!"

Here's a Chinese delicacy you won't find at New China Buffet...

That's right. Northern Chinese love their 驴肉 lu rou donkey meat. And so do I.

My first lu rou experience was an accident.

Two years ago I was on lunch break and decided to grab some street food. I saw a line of people outside this little stand and got in line clueless and hungry - which is pretty much the two adjectives that describe me best. I got to the window and said in choppy Chinese, "wo yao liang ge na ge." "I want two of that," as I pointed to the dude who just ordered. That's bread 'n butter Chinese, say that sentence and point to what someone else ordered. That's how I didn't starve my first year.

Anyway, I get two of these little greasy pita things. I take a bite and savor the smoky yet tough meat. I'm wondering what I'm eating then turn to my right and see a cartoon donkey with his thumbs up and smiling.


I smile ... then take another bite.

Chinglish of the Week

The Plod

Hear now a conversation that never happened...

My Beijing family.

Hey pale face, I've got some questions for you. Sit down. 

Ok.Nice to meet you too.

What do you do when you're not teaching, eating, sleeping, excreting or eating?

 I am in a band called, "The Plod." 

You're in a band? 

Yeah. 

What instrument do you play? 

In heaven, this will be a snack.

Guitar and vocals.*


The Plod ... who picked that lame name? Beaver Cleaver? 

Well, I'll tell you the story... Our FoC family was invited out to eat by Simon's family. Simon was the first student in our underground home school and his parents are the best in China. Anyway, they took us to a Mongolian Restaurant called, "99 Yurts." 

What's a "yurt?" It sounds like a racial slur. 

Well, a yurt is kind of like a traditional tent people used and still use in Mongolia and Inner Mongolia. It is also a crude slur for someone who wears Birkenstocks in winter.

So Genghis Kahn slept in one.

Yeah, with his brother Don. 

Got lamb?

Go one dude, we don't have all day. 

Alright, this restaurant was super classy and we had two whole barbequed lambs! 

You look like a ravenous hyena. 

I didn't not eat too much. 

Double negatives are for losers. 

Thank you. 

Stop getting side-tracked man. The Bachelor starts in a few minutes!

The Plod doing what we do at The Blue Goat Cafe.

I'll make it fast. During the meal Simon's Dad, Bing, made a speech. Bing is a wonderful human being and an honorable man who I love and respect. His English is not wonderful however. It was very cute, he prepared a speech in English even though he's not comfortable speaking it. He had it written on a note card. "Teachers, thank you for your plod." At first I thought he said, "Thank you for your blood." And I was trying to think back to the times I've bled in class. Bing could tell we were confused so he said he looked it up on his phone that morning and said, "plod - trying hard at something. Thank you for your plod." When we heard that glorious word for a third time Jeremy Seeger looked at me and with a leprochan-esc twinkle in his eyes whispered, "Band name." That is how The Plod was born. 

*  I'm only allowed to sing when we play Blink-182 songs.

Freedom Fries

Remember when America was very anti-France because they didn't support our Iraqi invasion?  

French fries became "Freedom Fries."

China has that attitude toward Japan right now, but times 300,000.

Before Japan bombed Pearl Harbor they were busy in China. Known as "The Second Sino-Japanese War," Japan infamously raped and razed the city of Nanjing. Over a six-weeks historians estimate 300,000 people were killed for no real aim or purpose. There was even a contest between Japanese soldiers to see which one could be the first to kill 100 people with only a sword. Looking at pictures of what happened makes me want to puke.

Japan has never recognized or apologized for what happened.

I don't write this so that you now hate Japan, but rather to tell you what Chinese people think and feel when they hear the word, "Japan."

Recently those venomous feelings resurfaced. There are some little islands north of Taiwan called, 钓鱼岛 diaoyu dao - The Fishing Islands. When oil was discovered offshore, they were transformed from no name fishing islands to an international trophy.

There they were again - on a different kind of battlefield. Japan wanting to take something it wants, but 21st century China is no pushover. In the words of one of my students, "China will be an eagle soon."

I believe China has reached "eagle" stage. The memories of Nanjing and the pride for this New China erupted into massive protests across the country. Even here in Beijing protests were allowed outside the Japanese Embassy (with police chaperones - they would allow a certain number of protestors in at a time ... I call that freedom inside an electric fence). People had bumper stickers on their cars - The Fishing Islands are China's!

7 Eleven's were ransacked, Toyota cars that were owned by Chinese people were smashed and burned by Chinese protestors, and Chinese flags were taped strategically over the Toyota logo.

I can't stand politics. But I love people. I think it's interesting how no matter where you go on earth or when you go back in time; pride seems to be the common denominator.

From Eden to these Fishing Islands, humans are in an ego race.

I guess that's what makes our Messiah's message so revolutionary - it contradicts everything we feel, think, hear or see. His is an illogical message fueled by illogical love.

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this:  Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:11-12

Menopause

June

This is my former student June. 

He is a wonderful kid who gets tortured at school for being different, so Matt Werner, Becca Balge and I (the foreign teachers) were always his pale protectors.

Well June sent me a text last week that went like this...

June:  hi Micah, May always beat me. save me

Me:  I love you brother. Stay away from her. 

June:  i think She’s probably menopause

Me:  You’re probably right. 

June:  disgusting!

 

Two Old Men on an Elevator

I don't know of anything more different than China and America.


Chinese use chopsticks. 
Americans use knife and fork. 

Chinese are taught to blend in. 
Americans are taught to stick out. 

Chinese people can stand on a train for 14 hours without complaining or flossing. 
 American people would never stand on a train for 14 hours without complaining or flossing.  

China has 1,400,000,000 people.
America has 400,000,000 people.

Chinese have mastered how to cook eggplant. 
Americans have not yet mastered how to cook eggplant. 


Despite the cultural, linguistic, familial, educational and social differences between our two countries, I've learned that all humans are the same beneath the epidermis.


Chinese kids hate school. 
American kids hate school. 

Chinese parents love their kids. 
American parents love their kids. 

Chinese people are selfish. 
American people are selfish. 

Chinese blood is red. 
American blood is red. 

Chinese people need Jesus' message of, "It is finished." 
American people need Jesus' message of, "It is finished."


Another shred of evidence that people are really the same deep down (but less deeper than we think) was in an elevator last week. Two old guys were talking and with my toddler-level-Mandarin I mentally saved their conversation...

"It's so cold outside."
"Yeah, it's that darn wind."
"Yesterday wasn't as windy, but today is different."
"Last night it really was windy."
"December is always like this."
"But I don't remember last December being so cold."

As I left the elevator I smiled. Knowing that this same conversation is happening in Wisconsin with two gray-haired men in front of Pick 'N Save.

米佳 mijia

Rahl

Rahl is in the middle.

Last year I had a freshman student named Rahl.

 He wasn't not my favorite. I know teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, but all teachers do. Rahl was my favorite.

Here is an email he sent me last week.

Micah I miss you！ I was admitted to The Affiliated high schol of peking university！my now life is unparalleled.you know there are lots of my old friends.But here's American teachers is't friends as you!!!He taught us to performances. Today I found the video <FOREVER YOUNG>! I watched it twice.Then I cried.Maybe I Impossible to meet good teacher as you and miss balge.you not only is my teacher,You my friend.So i want to talk with you.How about your Chinese level?Someone said you  livng in Beijing and learn Chinese.Right? I look forward to your reply.  Rahl

Moments like this seem to come when we need them most. It's hard not to feel lonely at the dawn of December - no smell of Christmas tree in the living room, no Bing Crosby on the radio, you just missed another Thanksgiving. But Abba knows when our tanks are almost empty and gives us the little boost we need.

米佳 mijia

The Onion

Chinese know how to cook with an onion, but they don't know how to read The Onion...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-20518929

Smog Delay

I had scheduled a student / faculty basketball tournament a few weeks ago at school. But on Friday morning, we canceled because of a dangerous smog reading.

In Beaver Dam they have snow days and here in the Big B we have smog days.

The reading was was a 412. If you look at the smog chart, that's in the red zone, and I'm not talking about an imminent touchdown. That's imminent charbroiled lungs. Actually, the worst day this Fall was a 457 on October 11. It feels like the city is wrapped in saran wrap made out of exhaust fumes.

A bad day in L.A. is 50.

My personal smog-o-meter is the Dragon Building. These pictures are from the bridge near the Boar's Nest. If I can see the Dragon Building (it overlooks the Bird's Nest and Water Cube), then I inhale with reckless abandon. If I can't see the Dragon Building then I timidly inhale and try to blink more than usual. 

In Beijing's defense, the government is trying to get people to use public transportation rather than drive their own car. Our subway is fast, clean, efficient and cheap. You can go anywhere in the city for 2元:  31 cents. And all over the city is the message:  绿色北京 - Green Beijing. But the people that can afford it (which is becoming more and more in this enormous city) love the liberty of driving their own car. I think its more of a status symbol than convenience.

Smog or no smog I love living in a city that has rightfully earned the nicknamed, "Beige-ing." People always scold me for running in this city, but I would rather live for five years than survive for fifty.

mijia 米佳


P.S. - I am running in the Beijing Marathon on November 25th. I'm hoping there's no smog delay.

Dylan

I have a friend named Dylan.

My roommate Mike and I met her when we were moving beds from The Abbey (our old place) to the Boar's Nest in August. We were having some major trouble fitting two bed mattresses, a lamp, chair, and all nine seasons of Seinfeld on our three-wheeled bike.Things weren't not going poorly. We put the mattresses on the bike and it tipped skyward as if B.J. Raji jumped on a teeter-totter.

Then Dylan rolled up. She was on her zoom zoom with a heavy-duty trailer.

Anhong cooking up a mean plate of fried rice.

She said in flawless English, "Do you guys need some help?"
"Are you an angel?" Mike asked.
"No, I'm Dylan."

We piled our junk on her trailer and she spent the next two hours helping us move. Two guys she never met before. She didn't want any tip or payment, just to help.

It turns out Dylan runs a restaurant about 17 stone throws from the Boar's Nest. I go there about twice a week for dinner. Anhong, Dylans' older sister, does all the cooking. She is phenomenal! Just one little wok on a portable stove in a little kitchen and she whips up the best food I've ever had in less then five minutes for less than $1.50.


Galancai siji dou:  green beans cooked with soy sauce, vinegar and a little integrity.
Lao doufu:  tofu fried up with ground pork, some spice and love.
Qiezi roumo:  eggplant that tastes so good it would make Clint Eastwood blush.

Left to right - Dylan, homeless gringo, An Hong.

I made a Nazaritish Vow to not cut my hair or shave my beard until February 13th. I haven't shaved this semester, so I've gotten used to people touching my beard (mostly men) and commenting on how old it makes me look. Dylan utilized the priceless literary device known as the double negative to inform me of my homeless appearance, "You have not become more handsome."

Thanks Dylan.

Tonight at dinner she suggested that I photoshop my "trunk" of a nose in my pictures.

You gotta respect honesty.

Dylan was a professional soccer player for eight years in southern China. And Anhong is a professional in her little non-OSHA-approved kitchen.

I'm so thankful that Abba let our orbits collide.
mijia 米佳